If you find yourself in a harmful marriage, know that you are not by yourself. Abuse can happen within any type of marriage, whether it be LDS or non-LDS. It can manifest in various ways, including intimidation and reprisal. Thankfully, there are available resources designed to assist you in obtaining the support you require.
Abuse can occur in any type of marriage
In LDS culture, abuse is not uncommon, but the church is slow to recognize it or address it. It is the church's responsibility to make a change and stop being afraid to acknowledge this serious problem. It is not an isolated phenomenon, and it happens in even the "best" families. Faith without works is dead, and religious leaders have a moral obligation to help and serve victims.
Abuse in plural marriages can be caused by a number of factors, including the power differential between the husband and wife. Young brides often marry older men because of the gender gap, and this power imbalance often leaves them vulnerable. Abuse may occur through financial abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse. Children may also be victims of abuse.
When a woman experiences abuse, she may feel powerless and fearful to leave the relationship. She may also be afraid of losing the children. In other cases, she may believe the abuse is her fault and cannot admit it. Sometimes, she feels pressure to stay in the relationship, even though she doesn't want to live like an abuse victim. Furthermore, she may feel isolated and cut off from social support systems.
Many abusive men cite the Bible as their justification for abusive behavior. They use verses like Ephesians 5:22 to justify their behavior. However, this doesn't mean the victim should forget the abuse, pretend it didn't happen, or allow the abuser to continue. Instead, forgiveness means the victim decides to accept the experience and move on with life. In LDS culture, women are meant to be treated with dignity and respect.
Abuse in a LDS relationship can be difficult to overcome. The abuser will often try to make the victim stay in the marriage by using physical force and mental intimidation. The abuser will often accuse the victim of cheating, call her a sexual name, or make her feel ashamed of her actions. In addition to the abuser's abusive behaviors, he or she may also use objects or people around her to hurt her.
It can include sex
Recently, the LDS Church revised its policies about abuse in marriage. These policies were created to help protect church members from being entrapped in abusive relationships. The new guidelines also warn against promoting abusive behavior and encourage members to end an abusive relationship. The church's First Presidency said in an announcement that its "heart and prayers are with all those who are experiencing abuse in their marriage."
Although the LDS Church does not intentionally create abusers, there are abusers inside and outside the church. The Church's values, beliefs, and laws may help foster such behavior. Nevertheless, these abusers must be dealt with appropriately. Sexual abuse is a serious issue and should be taken seriously.
The Church has a hotline to help victims report abuse to church leadership. However, this hotline has often been used to silence abuse victims. In addition, the LDS Church promotes forgiveness, which is often used by perpetrators to justify their abuse. Forgiveness is often encouraged rather than justice and may allow the abuse to continue without intervention.
It can include bullying
LDS members experiencing bullying or abusive marriages are not alone. The Church supports victims of violence by providing counseling and a support system. But church leaders can be difficult to talk to about the trauma-specific aspects of abuse. This can be problematic for victims, who may feel more isolated and unable to reach spiritual healing. The LDS website acknowledges that victims need to address acute trauma before they can receive spiritual healing.
Abusers often use critical, mocking, and sarcastic language to hurt their victims. They may make comments about their victim's appearance or intelligence. They may also make fun of them, and this abuse can take place in private or in person. Abusers often pick the most vulnerable parts of the victim to target.
It can include retaliation
Retaliation in an abusive marriage is designed to hurt the weakest areas. An emotionally abusive spouse often preys on the fears and concerns of their victims and makes threats against those they love. Retaliation creates fear in the target and is counterproductive to healthy relationships.
The perpetrator may also be very controlling, overseeing the way the victim spends their money. The abuser may also stop the victim from working, or sabotage their job search. They may even require the victim to surrender all of their earnings. The abuser may also make threats against the victim, her children, and other family members. The perpetrator may even threaten to report the victim to a government agency.
It can include spiritual language
Whether within an LDS abusive marriage or another religious organization, spiritual abuse can be a defining characteristic. In this type of behavior, the abuser tries to exert control over the victim by using spiritual language and concepts to control his or her behavior. This abuse can occur at any age and in many different types of relationships. It is often the precursor to physical abuse. It often occurs in large faith organizations and cults. In addition to religious abuse, spiritual abuse can also occur in other types of relationships, including friendships, families, and romantic relationships.
The church must do a better job of addressing abuse and stop being afraid to acknowledge it. Even the "best" LDS families are vulnerable to abuse. The church has a moral obligation to help victims and acknowledge that prayer and faith without action are dead. Even if the abuser has no faith in God, he or she has a moral obligation to act and help those in need.
Spiritual language can also be used to justify abusive behavior. In some cases, the abuser will cherry-pick scriptures to make the abuse seem more legitimate. For instance, a partner may use bible verses about being obedient to one's husband as justification for demanding something from a victim.
LDS marriage counseling should not be confused with religious parenting. Parents who practice a faith may read their children religious stories, explain morals, and bring their children to church events. However, this does not mean that these actions are acceptable or healthy.
